TO GOD BE THE GLORY

"To God be the glory......
Great things He hath done......"
.....and the greatest was to give us His Son!
We have His Son...
He has ours!
What a comfort for this Mom....
Becky

SEE YOU IN SEPTEMBER

This September found the Mom's Who Lost Children", adding some more mom's into its family. In so doing, we decided that in order to maintain the integrity of our "Mom's" weekend, and its purposes, we have chosen to establish some founding principles to help us along the way......
In our quest to glorify the Lord, through our losses, and further honor our children, we feel that following a framework of guidelines, will provide a safe and constructive atmosphere for healing.
We have listed these below:
1.) The main thing,is to keep the main thing,the main thing......and that's our Lord & our children!
2.) God is our centerpiece.....our speech and actions will reflect this!
3.)Our childen are the guest of honor!.....Let's give "them" the honor they are due!
4.)There is a code of confidentiality!.....It is imperative to keep our thoughts within our walls!
5.)Protect the integrity of our group!....Respect the view points of others as pertaining to their child!
6.) This is not a place to air our dirty laundry, but to share empathy,peace & comfort!

We listed below, some very helpful tidbits for us......
I hope they will be of benefit to you.
1.)We found that watching the "Chonda Pierce" DVD, and sharing her comments were a must.We needed to laugh, and she is a wonderful christian comedian.
2.)Giving to the J9 Foundation (Check it out on michael@j9foundation.org )The son of one of our Mom's
3.) Watching the Ken Davis"Good News" DVD.( He is an exceptionally funny comedian too!)
4.) The following list of helpful books:
Heaven by Randy Alcorn
When I Lay My Isaac Down, by Carol Kent
Intramuras,by Rebecca Reuter Springer
Shattered Dreams,by Larry Crabb
Streams In The Desert....my favorite!
Hope For The Hurting Heart & Eat Your Peas for Tough Times,by Cheryl Karpen

Take the time, many months,later, to speak to that mom, and tell her how much you miss her child. That in itself, will encourage her so very much!
Another neat site to go to, is a website called http://www.memory-of.com/ . This is where you can create your own memorial for your child, with your own background. Several mom's who have done this, have said it was great therapy for them!
Now, this next thought, is a winner............
We have all had those dear friends, who, through no fault of their own, have said those words that have hurt us. They just weren't thinking,or just haven't been down our road before.......
This is where God really calls upon you to do what you don't think you can, ..........and without Him, you can't!........We liked the phrase......"Forgive "Job's" friends! They offered him all kinds of advice, for his own good(yeah right!), but Job, still trusted in God, so forgive those who keep harping at you to "get over this time".............You will get through it, when God is ready for you to get through it!
The mom's are all in agreement that we want this to be a safe place to gather, and express ourselves.
We all have different thoughts on what helped us heal, along the way, but this time of fellowship, has truly been a blessing for all of us.
Liz said it best,I think.......
The first time she came into the house, she was nervous, not knowing anyone, but by the time she crossed the room, she was family!.....How true! How true!
We reminded each other to follow up on those thoughts we have,several years after someone dies, and to contact the parents with our thoughts. This is a big step!
We enjoyed our long hours of talks, but really enjoyed the rest too!
One of the Mom's suggested, that as years go by, if you have a need to speak with someone about an objectionable issue, that you speak quietly to another individual in more private setting......
We are thinking of changing our name to "Good Grief", and since we seem to be adding more mom's all the time, we would have chapter's all over.....Like "Good Grief-Aiken";"Good Grief-Beaufort,".etc.......
This will be an interesting change,if this 'ole girl can figure out how to change her blogsite!!!
We are looking to March,'08, now, with adding even more Mom's!
Hope these thoughts have helped you some......
Becky

MY LOSS..............YOUR GAIN

These are some afternoon thoughts to you all, from my heart.....
Seems like everytime I get ready to go over and be with my "Mom's", I am inundated with questions, from friends, on what to say to people when they lose a child. I have thought about this, and decided to write some thoughts down and pass them along to you.I hope these will be helpful words for you in comforting those you come in contact with who are grieving over the loss of a child.....
(It doesn't have to be just a child either)
Usually, the first question I am asked,is :"What do I say?" You don't erally have to say anything,folks.If you just open your arms wide, and give them time to hug, and weep, if they want to, that is the greatest thing, you can do!
They know that their child is gone, and is not coming back, so what could you say?
Let them talk, and talk and talk.....
One of the greatest things you can do, is to let them talk about their child as much as they want. Remind them about all the neat and precious things about thier child.
You may think you are sparing them pain, by not talking about their loss, but in reality, that's all they want to do.........Let them talk!
I remember coming home from the hospital to find a neighbor cleaning up inside my house;another neighbor fixing lunch; another neighbor answering the phone and still another answering the door......Nobody told them what to do! They just stepped in and did these things. One "secret" person, even planted bulbs out front, because she knew I was getting ready to, and wanted me to have them in the spring.
These were constant reminders of God's love in action, and many of them never said a word. Some brought flowers from their own garden's....something that simple.
It's the idea that you are thinking about them, that makes that mom,or person feel so blessed.When I was in the receiving line at the funeral home,I remember looking up, and seeing my Home Economics Teacher and my 8th grade teacher in line. They were driving all the way home to Florida and called my house in Aiken. One of my friends told them what had happened, and they drove over to the funeral home just to see me..........They are still very dear to me to this day! It's those kinds of things that make Mom's appreciate what you do for us.....
Drop a note of encouragement after a few weeks.....
Place something in their honor,at a charity.....that is a big honor to us!
Establish a memory garden somewhere for those who have died, where everybody can donate plants in their memory.(and the memory of anyone who has died)....... I did this at my church in Aiken!
On their first birthday away, have a celebration dinner for that Mom and her family,if they are close friends, and allow them to celebrate his life.
Bringing pictures and sharing them are good too.
Just be yourself and give your love. God will bless your efforts.
I'm sorry I took so long, but this has been weighing on my mind.I hope it has been of some help to you......
Love you......Becky

ONCE AGAIN

Once again, there will be a group of ladies coming together with a mission......
This mission will involve some unusual events too.The first to arrive, will walk in the door,holding her pillow,and suitcase,and wearing the biggest smile you've ever seen!
It won't make a lick of difference if she's never been there before. That's what will happen...... The very first thing she will do, after giving out her hugs, will be to take a picture out of her pocket book,or a special bag, and place it on the breakfront. That's what will happen......
She'll run to the "potty" and then take out her food for the week, and then we'll sit down and talk until the next one comes in the door, and the process is repeated!!!
That's what will happen....
This year,it looks as if Nella, Leslie ,Jennifer, Ramelle , Sandy,Addison,will join me in adding some new faces to our
"Mom's".......Hopefully,Elaine,Sandy W., Nelle, and others will join us this September. It's a pretty remarkable time together.
This year,Charlotte will be with her daughter in Spain......what fun,Charlotte, but we will miss her and her Blueberry Buckle!
We will not forget Sean, though.....
LaVonne has taken up a temporary job, since she has retired, and it is helping young girls. She will be dynamic at this.Hope to see her next year........
I think it's God who molds us and holds us together!
We surely couldn't do it by ourselves.
That's what will happen......
I love you all.
To God be all the Glory, and tell our boys how much we love them,please Lord!
Becky

MY LOVE

Most of you know, that I lost a son,in 1995, and that God has positioned me, to where I am able to invite other "Mom's" to my beach house for a weekend of healing and fellowship.
This is what God has revealed to me about myself.....
I was attending the funeral of a young man, when the lady behind me,in line, discovered through our conversation, that I had lost a son. With tears in her eyes, she revealed to me, that she had just lost a son, this past year.
I knew, immediately who had orchestrated this meeting.....
If we make ourselves available to be used by God, He will use us!.....
She needed someone who had already gone down that road, and someone who could offer her hope!
Well, I automatically invited her to the beach weekend, but it got me to thinking, and this is what's so neat,folks......
I realized then, that long before I was born, God knew that He would need someone for just such a "Mom's" mission, and He would need someone with a strong, sturdy faith from childhood. Someone who had been given a grandmother who instilled in her a sound, stable faith, built on the word of God and His promises. (Sounds like Grandmother Bouterse fit the bill,too!)
God would need someone who had endured emotional, and physical set backs as well. Having had Epilepsy, since I was 5 years old, I guess that made me a pretty good candidate!
Add to that, the heartache of my parent's divorce after 40 years of marriage; my sister's death at age 56;my husband's massive heart attack, and near death; the absence of one son from our home for 2 years;the death of our oldest son, and my brain hemorrage.....
Yes! I'd say God was equipting me quite well!
He needed someone who was grounded in the word!
He knew I had heard and received the word as a child.
He knew I would recognize the word at my Aiken church!
He knew I would feed on the word, at my Beaufort church too!
The sheep hear the shepherd's voice, and recognize it, when they hear it again! Yes, He needed someone who could give some hope to these Mom's, and not lose sight of where the real hope comes from.....
My hope cometh from the Lord!
He created me, the way He knew I would become, and I think it gives him pleasure to see the fruit it produces.
Twelve years ago, never in a million years, would I have thought anything so beautiful, could have come from such a tragedy, but by introducing these mom's to me, He has taken this "Stinging Nettle" time in my life, and turned it into a
"Bouquet of Peace Lillies"!
What a Mighty God we serve!
Becky

ESTABLISH YOUR OWN MOM'S GROUP

I'm not really sure how to go about telling other mom's about setting up something like we have been doing, except, that it is so beneficial, that you do.......
Just do it!
Gather together, a group of a few mom's who have gone through this and throw out your ideas about getting together.
As in my case,I just contacted those ladies I knew who had lost children, and invited them to my beach house in March.
You can contact a B&B ahead of time and rent a house for the weekend, or some other place, for a weekend.It doesn't matter where you are........
It's just that you do it, and get together and begin to heal......
and heal, you will!
It's important not to force your beliefs on the other mom's, but to let the healing take place on its own. My faith is so instrumental in me, that it shines through, and it does play a big part in each of these other ladies, which is probably why so much healing has taken place.
Give them time to talk about their child. That's why we have placed a special area up on the breakfront, where each mom can place their child's picture and other special "things."
We know that we can laugh and talk all weekend,if we want about our "sons", and no-one will fuss, and that's the healthy part.Then, we are recharged for a good while.
This has been an unbreakable bond for us, and I do hope some of you, who read this, will start your very own mom's group.
I hate that mom's have to do this, but I'd rather you do it with the support of other mom's nearby, than by yourself......
Go for it!
You can leave a comment to me here at this sight for more information.......
Becky

SOME THOUGHTS

Some thoughts on this our first rainy day,in months and months! It is finally raining and the Tree Frogs...those tiny little precious things are belching out their base sounds outside!
Woo Hoo!
Thought I would throw some more thoughts out to you all, in an effort to make your day a little brighter.I just finished reading Karen Kingsbury's "Ever After", and it is so touching and sweet.It deals with a young military man who doesn't make it, and leaves behind a sweetheart and family, but I thought about how it didn't have to be military.When you lose anybody, it hurts! There is a part of you that is ripped out! I felt like my guts had been ripped out, when my son died, and had not God held me up,I don't think I would have made it!
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Anyhoo, here are a few things, that helped this mom get through the days right after.......
I sorta wanted to feel like David was still here, so.......... 1.)I talked about him often, and with those friends who understood.This is so important. His presence will always be around, because of the type person he was. 2..) Do some memorials in your child's name.
3.)I started up Project Graduation in Aiken, a remembrance to him. You could try something like that in your town.....
4.)Create a memory garden at your church.We planted new Amyryllis plants when someone died in their memory, and had a fish pond;benches, and slate walkway. We had Crepe Myrtles;Butterfly Bushes, and other lovely bushes and plants for different seasons.
5.)Create a weekend getaway for mom's/and or siblings.
This has been a blessing to all of us who attend. We have been doing this since 2003.(I think)

I am sure you will come up with many of your own ideas to add to things you want to do.I've listed some in my other blogs, such as my Christmas stocking.I suppose I will always do that,until I go home to the Lord......
Many blessings to you whom God has called upon to make this sacrifice . It's hard,I know.....but He knows you can do it.......
Becky

CELEBRATIONS

These are some thoughts for those of you who are dealing with the loss of a child, and have to get through that first year, and its celebrations, and holidays.
I found,that when facing that first Mother's Day,I just didn't think I was gonna make it.Right then,I decided that I was gonna grab the bull by the horns, and throw
a big celebration in honor of my son's birthday.I called some of his friends for dinner and we had steak and potatoes. We all told laughable stories about his escapades as if he were still there! We laughed and laughed, and everyone had a memorable time(Me included!)
At Thanksgiving,I placed his name card at an empty plate, but that meant to me, that he was still here!
At Christmas,I hung his stocking on the stairs and placed some yellow roses in it.I've done this now for 12 years. My daughter wrote our blessing for that first Christmas dinner, and it was in tribute to her brother, which gave her a huge amount of healing.
There are lots of things you can do, to heal.....
They take time, and the willingness to want to heal......
My thoughts and prayers are with you......
Becky

ANOTHER YEAR

Where do I begin,ladies? Another year has gone by and another Mama has given back to God, her precious child.....
It's hard, we know.....There ought to be a law against it,right?
You'd think that after carrying that little thing for close to nine months and watching them grow up,that it would give us some kind of guarantee,......... but no!
As scripture says,"He chose me; I did not choose Him", so I kinda like to think that He "chose" me to carry this special task, because He knew I would be able to go through the whole process of giving my son back, and not be bitter, or angry.Afterall, he was God's child, long before He created him for me.
Anyhoo,this time together, is really about a bunch of Mom's who come together and heal......
It may take time, but that's okay.We don't push anything on anybody.I just happen to love my Lord deeply, and it shows.He carried me through a brain hemorrage and being in a coma for 2 months, and much more, so I trust in Him an awful lot!
We share alot of neat ideas and talk about our children, in an atmosphere where it's safe to do so. You don't have anybody telling you NOT to keep talking about them, and that's so special.
These ladies are friends now. Friends I may never have met, had I not lost my son. Oh,I would take him back, in a skinny minute, but, ya know, when you love the Lord, you can rest assured that you will see them again, and we do!
I love the fact, that I have a son in Heaven, who has some friends in Heaven, that he didn't know here on earth, and that they have the neatest mother's,that I do know here on earth!
All because of my son........
Becky

THANK YOU

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Kind and loving Father,I thank You,for being in the midst of these dear ladies, when we come together.You have taken something that has been so painful, and given it a touch of sweetness, that we so apppreciate.You have taken our pain,and remolded it, into a caring for each other, and You have given us an insight into the hurts of others that we might not have known before.You have provided this place where we can fellowship, and remember our children, without feeling guilty, and allow some healing to begin.May our praise to You, be as a fragrant aroma, of our love and devotion, as You are, to those we hold so dearly within our hearts.
I ask these things in Your Sovereign and Holy name,amen.......
Becky
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WE CAME TOGETHER

It was a March, when we first came together.There were six of us,mothers, and we had given back to God, 6 sons, at some time in our lives, and we were coming together at my beach house for a weekend of healing. This consisted of walking on the beach;laughing;crying;eating, and just sharing of ourselves with each other ......
That March, we joined hands with Charlotte,Leslie,Cheryl,Ramelle,LaVonne,Jennifer, and myself. Our time together brought out pictures and lots of shared memories. It was okay to share these memories too, without fear of being misunderstood.
You had lost a child,and part of you was gone............. forever! This mom knew exactly what you felt like too, and it was okay......
Charlotte brought Sean's favorite "Blueberry Buckle", that first year, and will hopefully bring it every year...(please!) and I added my Chocolate Cherry Crunch. Grieving Mother's still like to eat!
There's a breakfront at the beachouse, where we automatically placed the pictures of our boys, and their little treasures. Each lady was given one of my "Really Woolly" sheep, that I love so much, as a rememberance of the weekend.
It's kinda hard, the first year, because you are getting to know each other, but oh,my goodness, what a bond, we have formed! There's alot of walking on the beach, and shell collecting, because the beach is just a healing place,in and of itself, anyway.
Being on the sound, makes it possible for us to witness some mighty spectaculoar sunsets too, so that's a double bonus!
People always ask me what we do on these weekends, and I have to tell them, that we do the same thing, that everybody else would do, only we have a sliver of our heart's missing, that we don't mind talking about, while we are there!
Infact, we can talk, all weekend, if we want, about our "missing links", and nobody tells us,"it's time to get over it". It is a beautiful weekend when we come together, in March and September, and alot of healing fun for us. These friendships are bonded together and sealed with something that is stronger than cement.
None of us are alike in personality, and yet our Lord has brought us together.I think that is probably the glue that holds each of us together. Some of the mom's have lost children through suicide; some through car accidents; some through hereditary complications; some even through agent orange results.......
It doesn't really matter how they died......... The fact is, that they are gone, and we still miss them!
Sadly, we seem to grow, with every year, which means another mother is having her heart strings ripped out. We've added several new hearts to our family that are a treasure to my friendship tree!Hugs go out to our newest mom's.....(oxoxoxoxo)
It's hard when you lose someone, but when it's your child, it's really rough, so please be gentle with us.There is a void in our hearts that will never go away, because we are their mom's forever.
Thank you,Lord, for this time together, and if you are a mom, who has lost a child, I hope these thoughts will help you heal, in some small way. Each of our ladies will add their own thoughts as the days go on.......
We owe our healing to our Lord and Savior,Jesus Christ.
Becky
April,2007